he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im part way to drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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