i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
