Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
