theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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