ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
