Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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