is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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