how can u be prego again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
