i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
