At least make sure they are 18
Why
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
