As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
