have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
