Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
