One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
