Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
