I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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