Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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