i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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