why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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