We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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