My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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