Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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