I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
