just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
