I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
