I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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