Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
