I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
