she was so not down for the gang bang
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
