i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
