i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
