Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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