He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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