Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
