make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Randomize
