You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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