shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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