Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
