Midget sex pt 2 tonight
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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