I met the friendliest cop last night
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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