guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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