The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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