I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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