Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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