There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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