yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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