real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
