so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
