You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
