i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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